you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
