i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
