best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I believe in your delicious
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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