Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
