I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
