He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
sex in a hospital.. check
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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