My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
