When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
