i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
