I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
