There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
