I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Less talking, more tequila
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
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