Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
should my penis look like a turkey
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
