Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
