He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
