And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
