One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
