There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
