the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How external is "for external use only"?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
