Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
