Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
