They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
