So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
