I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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