I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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