I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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