I think I won the penis lottery.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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