Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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