Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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