Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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