He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
