Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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