Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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