she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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