If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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