If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
whose ass print is on the piano?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
