Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
