The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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