Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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