Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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