ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
