U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
