So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
