I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
