Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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