Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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