Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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