i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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