im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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