just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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